On the day I was born, I had died twice. The doctors are shocked that I made it!

The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. That was the start of my life. For 2 and a half years, things were amazing. I was loved and cherished. Then on January 31st 1994, my dad was murdered. He was beaten to death by his best friend. We still don't know why. That moment changed everything. My mom got with men that were alcohol and drug abusers. She joined in both. She and her new husband became very abusive. It was only a few months after my dad was killed that my older brother, (who was 4 at the time) was put in the hospital. Our new step dad had broken his arm.

We spent years being abused in every way. They were very creative with the torture and abuse.I had to become the mom to my 2 brothers and then also, my half sister and half brother that were born later. I had to steal money and food from others, just to help my brothers. I didn't care about myself. I was 4 when I understood that my purpose in life was to be a punching bag for everyone.I had tried to end my life so many times as a child. When I turned 11, my stepdad finally got busted and put in jail. When that happened, my mom finally divorced him. We truly believed that the torture was over.

But, 6 months later she got with another man that was just as bad. The main difference with this new husband was that he wasn't sexually abusive like the first stepdad was. We were still beaten and starved on a near daily basis. Shortly after I turned 15, the schools and cops finally believed us. We were taken and placed into foster care. The first home we were placed in were Christians, but they were the horribly abusive type. They believed that it was ok to starve and beat us. For even the slightest perceived sin. They made me truly hate the Christian God and all of his followers. When one of the other foster kids there attempted to end his life. We were moved and separated. My younger brother was sent to a boys home while me and my older brother were sent to a new home together. My half siblings were given to their real dad, due to him being released from jail. The second foster home was where I stayed until I was sent back to my mom's. There, the family was not abusive or controlling. 

They did force me to go to a church. That church loved talking about how it was cursed. Because they refused to listen to God and built the church instead of a nursing home. They acted like saints for choosing to build a house for God. They also, like to show off how they supposedly had a troubled youth outreach program. They claimed to be helping guide us troubled youth to a better future, but really all they did was put us in a room and told us to just hang out. That church didn't help my views on Christians or God. I openly admitted that he was the one God that I hated.

While in that foster home I meant a coven of Witch's. The day I meant them, one had bumped into me at school and then she bowed to me. I was confused. She then asked if I was a witch. Because she could sense extreme power flowing from me. I started learning from her and the coven. I was highly interested in White Magic. It was used to help others gain a better and brighter future, also it would give me the ability to heal others. I have always wanted to be able to heal others. That way the abuse wouldn't be as bad. I also, strongly got into investigating paranormal activity at that time. I loved all things horror. I quickly gained the ability to see and speak to spirits. I now know them as demons, but back then I didn't know that. I had one dark Spirit that followed me for years. He was tall, like 8 to 9 feet tall. He had horns like a ram. Legs like a goat. The rest of him looked human. His eyes were a bloody red color. He always wore a long black tattered coat. He never said anything, he just watched me. 

When I turned 17. I learned about the Army. I thought I had found a way to escape my past of abuse and become strong enough to stop it from ever happening again. I joined right away. Due to joining. I was sent back to my mom's house. The foster system couldn't keep soldiers. The abuse started instantly. Between junior and senior year of highschool I went to basic training. I planned on using the money to get out of my mom's and into an apartment. But that didn't work. My mom and her husband spent all of my earnings on drugs and electronics. On my 18th birthday. She kicked me out due to me not having anymore money for her. I went from couch to couch during my senior year. In November of 2009. I was raped and conceived a baby from it. I planned on keeping the baby and going full time in the Army. But, the man's mother found out and threatened to take my child, if I didn't marry her son. Being homeless and alone. I didn't believe that I had any other options. So, I married the man that raped me. He joined the army as well. While he was in basic training I gave birth to our son. The army moved us to Fort Campbell in Tennessee. There my husband became just as abusive as my first stepdad was. During his deployment I was watched by friends of his. They limited and controlled everything so I couldn't escape. When my husband got back from his deployment his abuse got worse. A couple months later he completely lost his mind and took his own life. The army told me to go home and that they would call me when I was needed. I still haven't gotten that call.But, then the night before my husband's funeral I was drugged and raped again. Because of the drugs I didn't know it had happened until someone told me 4 months later.

 A man was hired by my mother-in-law to frame me for cheating. I became pregnant again. When I thought things had finally calmed down. My mother-in-law started hiring people to enter my life and cause chaos. Those people brought more drugs and alcohol into my life. Her goal was to steal my son's. When I was 5 months pregnant a drunk driver ran a stop light and crashed into me. I had to give birth to my second son early. He was born at 1 pound and 15 ounces. The fact that he survived is shocking. I was stuck at the hospital for a month recovering. During that month. My mother-in-law broke into my home and trashed it. She then called child protective services and started her campaign to steal my son's. In the end it worked. None of the judges looked at any of the evidence I had, that proved it was all fabricated. In the end, my older son was temporarily given to my mother-in-law until I moved closer to her. But, she bribed a new judge to allow an illegal adoption and to give me a lifetime restraining order from my son. My second son was supposed to have 50/50 custody between me and his dad. But, the man disappeared with my son and I still can't find them. In August of 2013.

 I met the man that would become my second husband. I thought I had won a jackpot with him because he wasn't physically or sexually abusive. Also, he wasn't into the harsher drugs. He liked just weed and alcohol. He was just mentally and emotionally abusive. He claimed to be a Christian and a warlock at the same time. He had recited a spell that took my ability to see spirits, but I can still sense them and hear them. He got me into even more witchcraft like tarot. He tried to help me fight for my son's, but we kept hitting walls. Eventually, we were forced to give up. We started trying to build a life together,but between our willingness to help everyone even if it harmed us. We were always basically broke and homeless. In 2015 we got married. We are still together. We went from place to place being used and stolen from. We had split up 4 times due to chaos caused by others and issues between us. I wanted him to quit smoking weed. He didn't. We got back together each time and are still together now. Every place we stayed at. I was abused and treated like a slave due to my hatred of drugs. In 2020 when the lockdowns happened we were forced to move in with my mom. We lived in her garage. She had finally gotten off of the harsher drugs. She still smokes weed and alcohol. My younger brother lives with her too. But, he has extremely bad anger issues. He gets abusive every time he drinks. I became his main target. My mom is still abusive, but mainly when she has been drinking. In 2021, after 6 surgeries and 42 miscarriages I finally became pregnant again.

 I truly believed that this child would be born alive. I was wrong. On January 6 2022. I spent the day in a lot of pain, not knowing I was in active labor. I was only 18 weeks pregnant. Our daughter died that day. I was finally told that due to all of the sexual and physical abuse that I endured from my first stepdad and his friend that I may never carry another baby to full term. Also, that the doctors had messed up the C-section that was performed for my second son. I gave up on trying to be a mother then. Even though it was the last dream and hope I had, for any happiness in the future.I became extremely depressed after that. I completely stopped pretty much everything. My mom ended up kicking us out in 2023. Because I was just a burden and a painful reminder of everything good that she had lost. My husband and I decided to travel some. We went to a few different states and lived out of our tiny car. Things were ok, until we went to Colorado. There my husband was manipulated into giving away everything and spending money on things that left us stuck. We had to beg his mom to help get us back to Indiana. We were forced to move back in with my mom and brother. While here. Their drinking has gotten a lot worse and my husband's did too.

Now, to the part where there may be hope.

In 2025. On July 7th. I met a man that claimed to be a master in theological topics. We spent the day debating different religions and witchcraft and how they were all connected. But, he said some things about the Bible that didn't sit right with me. The main thing was that Mary's obedience in being Jesus's mother was conditional. He claimed that she would only agree to be his mother if she held a higher status than anyone in Heaven and on earth. That she wanted to be praised and worshipped as well.So, I went and did what any person that wanted to prove someone wrong would do. I found a Bible to learn the truth so I could shove it in his face that he was wrong.

I had decided to start reading in Mathew, since that is where Jesus's story began. When I got to chapter 24. I started to notice just how similar his description of the future was to our current life. I spent the next few days trying to find a way to prove the Bible wrong. On July 15th. I gave up on trying to prove it wrong and gave my life to Jesus. I instantly quit drinking and gave up all witchcraft. I started trying to learn more about Jesus and others in the Bible, but I felt lonely and didn't have anyone to really talk to about it all. In early September I came across a Tik Tok that mentioned the Rapture. That sent me down a rabbit hole of trying to figure out what it was and if it was true. On September 23 I spent the whole day outside. I was scared of what would happen if I was inside the garage when the Rapture took place. Like you all know the Rapture didn't happen. So, I started asking God for a community to help explain what was going on. For a group of people that could become like a family to me. For people that truly believe also. In October, I found a WhatsApp group that mostly talked about the Rapture. 

But, it didn't really have a family feeling to it and talking about the Bible almost always turned into debates and arguments. It didn't feel right to me. Then, on December 15th. I was sent an invite to a small group. It turned out to be the answer to my prayers. For the first time in my life. I had people that actually liked me for who I was. I could talk about anything and they would answer with truth and Bible verses to back it all. For the first time in my life I actually had support. I truly thank God for them. Even though the abuse still happens, from my mom and brother. I have been able to convince my husband to stop drinking and smoking. He has been turning to Jesus. So, his emotional and mental abuse has dropped dramatically. We have even started praying together each night before bed.

 
My life is still surrounded by darkness, but because of Jesus!!! I now have hope and things are slowly getting brighter!!!